Note # 5

I arrived in New York to the smell of fire. A dense smog hung over the city that, from a distant, appropriately masked the unsightly evidence of warfare. It was my first time being in New York since the end of the war, but I was not surprised at the condition of the city. Buildings lay toppled, garbage clogged the cracked streets and walkways, and homeless men, women, and children were scattered in little communities. I guess I was thankful that I at least had a roof over my head, and that my daughter was not starving in the streets like so much of the populous.

Finally I found my way to the training barracks. The red, white, and black symbols that decorated the front entrance to the building eerily reminded me of my time in service. In the lobby, I was greeted by two armed men, who handed me a form and instructed me to wait until my number was called. It was like the god damn DMV.

Finally my number was called, and I followed one of the guards down a penitentiary like hall. There were rooms on each side of me, and through the small windows I could see the blank semblances of children around my daughter's age. At room 106, the guard said,

" You have five measly minutes, or she gets the hose. Your conversation is being recorded, too."

And there she was, my gorgeous daughter. Only her face was lifeless, bags engulfed her eyes, and her body appeared to be much thinner and frail.

"Hi honey," I said. No answer. And so I said it again.

"Who the fuck are you?" she proclaimed.

"Its your father Anne, it's me. I hope your joking, its only been a few weeks. How are you? How are they treating you here? Are you hungry?" I asked desperately.

She yelled back, "listen you old hag, I have no father, I have the Regime, and that is it!"

At that point the guard burst in, grabbed me under the arms, and forcefully ushered me out of the cell.

"You goddamn fool," he said. "We've already given her the eels and shes been dosing for a full week now, how can you be so ignorant? You're worthless to her, a meaningless specimen. Go home and recollect your sorrows. Revel in the goodness of Hasselhoff!"

And that was it. Right out of an exaggerated old school Hollywood movie, only it was real. Besides the drugs, they're employing brainwashing mechanisms now? Electric eel shock therapy?

I sat back in my car, and my heart sank. I reached for the glove box, took out the colorful pill bottle and masher, and ground up powerful dose. My only sanction. I adjusted myself forward, put my nose to the cold porcelain mortar, and violently inhaled the devil's medicine.

My beautiful daughter was gone, never to remember me. My heart palpitated as the rush coursed through all of my veins. My family has been annihilated. I am completely alone.

At the time, I was to far-gone for it to register.